Moving means not being here anymore

Jun. 24th, 2017 12:48 pm
naye: a forest road seen through a haze of light (going where i want to be)
[personal profile] naye
It's so weird to consider leaving Cambridge.

I mean, leaving Britain is something I've been wanting to do quite badly for exactly a year - waking up to the Brexit referendum results early in the morning of June 24th was a gutpunch and I've never really caught my breath again. (Mostly because the Tories/Theresa May/Brexiteers keep refusing to treat us migrants as people, preferring to regard us as bargaining chips... and they're so bad at bargaining.)

But Cambridge?

I live here now. I have friends here! And a yoga studio and a hairdresser and a weekday morning running loop and a selection of weekend long runs and a job and a dentist and I've spent longer here in an unbroken streak than anywhere else in my adult life. (I lived for longer in a Stockholm suburb with my ex, but did a year in Japan in the middle.)

It's familiar, it's safe, it's pleasant. I don't dislike our flat - I wish it had a better view (any view!), and I wish the bedroom wasn't right on the street, and I wish we had a garden or something - but it suits our needs and the landlord is nice and it's got a dishwasher and a washing machine which I will now never be able to live without. And we've made it cozy and ours.

But there's no future here. We can never get on the property market - not in Cambridge, and not anywhere within a 30 minute commuting distance. I think the current property prices exceed 10 times an average yearly salary. Even for us DINKs, that's... not really feasible. And that's not even going into how small and dark and cold British flats are. (These are facts: Britain has the smallest living space per person in Europe. A lot of British houses don't even have double glazing. And possibly due to that, or due to legacy "window tax" issues, there are generally fewer and less generous windows than I'm used to.)

And jobs-wise, Skuld might keep getting promoted, but I've worked myself into a situation where there's no room higher up in the organisation, and I don't have enough experience to take the step to management anyway. Plus I've got a foreign degree in my field, and no experience of the local system, which means I can't ever get a foot in the library door here without taking a severe paycut.

Finally: I miss living close to actual nature where you can roam off the beaten track and there are lakes where you can swim in the summer and skate in the winter and you can pick berries and mushrooms and flowers. Here we have cultivated parks and a slow meandering river you can follow up to the point where personal properties cut pedestrians off, and then it's just fields. Sweden has so much nature. And you're allowed in all of it! We have an amazing law called allemansrätten. I never understood what an amazing gift this law is until I lived in countries with fences and PRIVATE PROPERTY NO TRESPASSING signs and conversations like "there's a nice view up here but we shouldn't get out of the car because the landowners don't like it". I mean, look at this from Wikipedia:

Basically the only places you can't go camping is in peoples gardens and protected areas like bird sanctuaries. )

So there's plenty of reasons to long for Sweden (including the summer nights I keep going on about), but to actually move there? And not be here anymore? So strange. I can stay in touch with friends online, but where will I find a hairdresser as nice as George, or a yoga teacher as patient as Kathy? Where will I buy my kewpie mayo and frozen karaage and other necessities? There's no UNIQLO in Sweden (yet, maybe) so that's half my wardrobe I can't replace. And will I not regret this move when it's mid-April and sleeting, and instead of being out running I'm online looking at friends' beautiful shots of gardens in bloom and green grass in Cambridge.

Because the grass is always greener, and all that...

(The exception to the rule is Kyoto, which I've always felt lived up to all my love for it. It will always be the first city of my heart, and one day I hope to spend some time there again.)

Gender headcanons

Jun. 24th, 2017 02:02 am
komischkatze: (Chihiro DR)
[personal profile] komischkatze
I feel like I'm on nobody's side when it comes to fights over gender headcanons, especially when it's characters whose gender was handled indelicately or ambiguously in-canon, because I always default to headcanoning them as nonbinary/genderfluid when there's any hint of a question.

Possible spoilers for Danganronpa, Persona 4, and Voltron )

Is any of that what the creators intended? Probably not!
Am I projecting my own nonbinary identity onto fictional characters! Absolutely!

But it does mean that I have characters I can identify closer with, and it means that no matter what gender people write them as in fics, I can get on board with it.
So I'm gonna keep doing it because it makes me happy.

Fanart Friday!

Jun. 23rd, 2017 05:44 pm
komischkatze: (Rick)
[personal profile] komischkatze
I'm think gonna start doing Fanart Friday - collecting cool fanart I find or am linked to throughout the week and sharing it with you guys! Obviously, I'll source everything as best I can - it's just a shame that I still get sent a lot of cool fanart that's on Tumblr, but I can't share it with others because I don't use that site any more.

Night In The Woods:

Read more... )


Steven Universe:

Read more... )



Read more... )


Yuri on Ice

Read more... )


Jun. 23rd, 2017 04:59 pm
olivia_beige: (Default)
[personal profile] olivia_beige
Much sobbing.

More jubilation.

Thankfully less heart palpitation, since I've had three helpings of coffee in 6 hours.

quote from Pema Chodron

Jun. 21st, 2017 05:26 pm
ryanf: (Default)
[personal profile] ryanf
June 21, 2017
When We Play with Fire
If this “I” is not relinquished wholly,
Sorrow likewise cannot be avoided.
For if he does not keep away from fire,
A man cannot escape from being burned.

When we play with fire, we cannot escape from being burned. This describes life in the cocoon: the more self-absorbed we are, the more we suffer. But we can’t just snap our fingers and say,“This ‘I’ is just a label; I’m not going to think that way anymore.” Our ego trips are deeply ingrained. They are, in fact, the very means that keep the six realms well oiled and running.

So, how do we get out of this? As Shantideva has said again and again, seeing the sameness of ourselves and others is the key.

(no subject)

Jun. 21st, 2017 10:27 pm
olivia_beige: (Default)
[personal profile] olivia_beige
For any of you lovelies who might be going through some challenging, if not outright difficult, moments, keep going. :)


"But what if we prevail?"

- Davos I, A Dance With Dragons

For context, this was supposed to have been said by the 19-year-old Eddard "Ned" Stark as he smuggled himself back to the North to call his banners 15 years before the canon era.

Why was this boy doing this?

His younger sister disappeared with the crown prince so Ned's older brother, in a fit of ill-advised hot-headedness, rode to the capital and demanded for the crown prince to come out and die for apparently kidnapping a betrothed highborn lady. (The crown prince was already married to a Dornish princess who deserved better.) The ruling king was beyond loopy, so he jailed Ned's older brother, summoned Ned's father, and killed father and son without proper trial. Then the king commanded the deaths of Ned and his friend, Robert Baratheon. Who was betrothed to Ned's younger sister. Their foster father was like, "No way. After decades of madness, this is the LAST STRAW. WE REBEL THE F OUT OF THIS MOFO."

Ned finds himself losing 3 family members in one swoop, and takes his older brother's place not only as the next Lord of Winterfell but also as the husband to Catelyn Tully. Ned's banners called, the rebellion was now in full swing. It seemed almost impossible, but eventually they toppled the 300 year old Targaryen dynasty.

Let me now go back to revising for my exam on Friday. Summer classes are hell. Daunting, taxing. But what if we prevail. :)

Dreaming of a Swedish Midsummer

Jun. 20th, 2017 09:30 pm
naye: a photo of the view of ocean and sky through a window at dawn (dawn)
[personal profile] naye
Midsummer. A wonderful time in Sweden, when the nights are short and light and the days are long and balmy and you can go for twilit midnight walks or just wait a couple of hours for a 3.30am sunrise around where I used to live.

Of course here in the UK seasons seem to matter slightly less - or maybe I'm just less attuned to the local signifiers? (Strawberries and cream I get! And music festivals.) There's definitively no Midsummer holidays and long slow summer where most people take weeks (or months) off and many businesses wind down to run on a skeleton crew.

Speaking of Sweden: I just submitted my first Swedish job application since leaving the country in 2012! We still don't know when/if we will get a visa for Skuld, but it's been almost a year since we applied, and it's time to start actually planning for the big move there. Which includes trying to maybe have a job lined up. (Having a job lined up would also possibly help us appeal any denial of visa based on me not living & working in Sweden as I'm currently living & working with my non-Swedish spouse...) I've got my eye on another position, but see above re: skeleton crew and businesses winding down for the summer. Due to all that, their application deadline is August 1st, so I'm not in any hurry.

But yeah, with a bit of luck we can celebrate next Midsummer the way it was supposed to be done: by enjoying the company of family and friends and all the beauties nature has to offer at this the brightest time of year.

Like a Midsummer's Night

Why fic happens

Jun. 20th, 2017 11:29 am
komischkatze: (Dipper)
[personal profile] komischkatze
Been thinking about fandoms where fic happens for me, and where it doesn't.

I very rarely tend to read or write fic for movies - they're a fully encapsulated story, most of the time, and there's rarely much wiggle room for me to slot in a story of my own. Plus, I like to see the source material a couple times before writing fics, so, especially if it's new, I don't feel like I have the confidence to write the characters accurately, and worry too much about messing up on canon details.
The exceptions here (because of course I have exceptions) are when I feel a movie has left some details ambiguous, or if I wasn't satisfied with the ending, or if I was satisfied but not ready to let go of the characters, yet. But the latter, at least, are rare - I get attached to characters over a course of time, and 2 hours rarely is enough for me to latch onto them.
Similar with single-volume books, often - there's usually enough time for me to get attached to characters, but because the story is fully encapsulated, I just... rarely have anything to add. Also, purely book fandoms tend to be... significantly smaller. So it's just me yelling into the wind about them half the time.

With book series', comics, and shows, especially when there's a long time between releases? That's where I go wild, that's my playground.
I get attached to characters over the course of time the series runs, and every time a new canon addition is made to the universe, and there's a stretch of time after it, I kind of expand on the new info in headcanons and speculative fic, and in meta. I think it fosters a greater ground for creativity in general, at least for me and folks that work like me.
Like, as much as I get sour over Steven Universe delays, and I did with Gravity Falls, and I did with waiting for new Harry Potter books... I wouldn't have fallen in love with them so hard if I didn't have the wait, y'know?

Is anyone else in the same kind of boat? Do any of you actually prefer fic in one-offs like movies?

Night In The Woods

Jun. 18th, 2017 02:37 pm
komischkatze: (Rick)
[personal profile] komischkatze
I bought Night In The Woods yesterday, and finished it today.
It absolutely took my breath away.
I'm gonna talk about it in detail here, and a lot of it will be spoilers - please, if you've not played it yet and you intend to, finish it before reading this. It's one of those games that absolutely needs to be gone into with minimal spoilers for you to get the real punch out of it.

I'm gonna put spoilery content warnings under a cut first, though, for people that might have issues because some of the themes are potentially somewhere between upsetting and triggering - I'll write them out as vaguely as I can!
Mildly spoilery content warnings )


Spoiler-filled thoughts )

TL;DR - if you haven't played this game, it's absolutely worth every last penny.
If you have, oh my god, come talk with me about it, I need to talk about it more but I don't want to spoil it for my friends

On top of on top of on top of

Jun. 17th, 2017 11:40 am
naye: the whole aang-gang hugging (a:tla - group hug)
[personal profile] naye
This month you guys.

It's been a normal month with everyday life for me and my wife and my cats. But this country's seen two terrorist attacks, one really stupid general election with ensuing political chaos, and one absolutely nightmarish disaster brought on by greedy businesses and greedy politicians. On top of that this week it is the 1-year anniversary of Jo Cox' murder (by a white supremacist terrorist) and the Pulse shootings both.

And on top of that Brexit negotiations were supposed to start on Monday (1-year anniversary of that particular mess coming up next week) but nobody knows who's in charge or what Brexit even means right now.

And on top of all that this weekend is going to be the hottest of the year, and we have no garden and no greenspace by our house and the sea is a stressful hour's drive away (but we have no car) oh and also London is a powderkeg of grief and anger and protests that could so very easily turn into more.

Oh and the US is doing great, too.

All of that and just existing in proximity to all of this feels exhausting and disorienting. I haven't had words for anything - what could someone like me say about all of this except that it's terrible and tragic? I haven't even had the ability to focus on others' words - after tearing through books at a breakneck pace, I've hit a wall where I'm unable to do reading right now.

I've found a bit of an outlet in Instagram (of course I got hooked the moment I tried it - there's a reason I've been avoiding it), in the expressive wordlessness of photos, my own and others. And in just... looking at lots of beautiful places and adorable cats and wallow in nostalgia (Instagram has people posting snapshots from all the places I've lived in Japan) and cuteness.

But mostly I'm just feeling drained and dull, and I imagine that's a comparatively good way to feel with the week we've had here.

The Adventure Zone: Episode 65

Jun. 15th, 2017 10:24 pm
komischkatze: (Bureau of Balance)
[personal profile] komischkatze
Spoilery reaction post again!
Read more... )

(no subject)

Jun. 15th, 2017 12:46 am
alwaysbeenasmiler: (Shion/Mion♥We will meet you where)
[personal profile] alwaysbeenasmiler
I have so much adulting to do beginning friday-- it's not even funny. But I have put in the reservation for the uhaul on saturday the 24th. <3 I feel like I accomplished something. That just means once I get settled, and I am able to play Stormblood, I will find a supreme sense of satisfaction. Awww yeah!

At Least There's Coffee

Jun. 14th, 2017 10:13 pm
cathugger: An orange-and-white cat facing to the left. The front of this face is fading into shadows. (Default)
[personal profile] cathugger
Just went with my mom on a trip to take clothes back to the mall because she said she'd pick up something for me to eat. And coffee. I don't know if either of those things were worth the trip, though.

My mom has been really emotional the whole time, and even though it wasn't because of me this time, it brought back emotions and memories from when it was because of me. Trying to help her when I'm like that helps no one, so I tried to emotionally separate myself from her as much as possible. Luckily, nothing horrible happened during the trip.

Now I'm home--still uneasy and restless and unsure of what to do with myself. At least I have coffee and don't have to worry about getting something to eat tonight.

Fights and Salt

Jun. 14th, 2017 09:56 am
ikneko: (Yuki)
[personal profile] ikneko
I have issues with opening up to my partner because he is really self-centered and egotistic. He doesn't really care about the information you share with him unless it's gossip or something he can use. It's aggravating trying to have an adult conversation with him because he will sometimes open his mouth and say the most childish things. It's really hard for him to grow up.

Monday, I confided in him how I felt about my job at the moment. I like my job. It's a job with steady income and good benefits. Its more than a lot of people my age have. I don't want to leave it or even look for something better but I am bored. My direct supervisor/manager doesn't really want to develop me and most of what I end up doing is tidying up the office, maintenance, and inventory. What really set me off was how HR introduced me to the new interns. The HR rep really didn't know what I do and described my position as "the person who keeps the food and drink stocked."

In general I am just feeling really bad about my positions and opportunities in the company. I want more to do and more to accomplish. I'm bored and would like to accept more responsibilities, but my direct boss pulls me back from that. It's frustrating! Even more so when my boss constantly patronizes me, as if I don't know what I'm talking about.

Have you ever watch Pinky & the Brain? Pinky will say something and Brain will chastise him for saying it, only to turn around and repeat Pinky's thoughts/ideas as his own. That's just about every conversation with my direct boss.

I will say: To solve X, we need A and B.
Boss: What? No... here we do C,D,E, oh wait. What about A & B? Yeah! That will work! I'm a genius!

That's what I deal with on a daily basis as well as him giving me half of the information and expecting me to some how resolve an entire issue or to know what is going on within the company.

Explaining this to my partner on Monday, yesterday morning my partner had to go out to a different city in order to get a parking ticket mix-up fixed. A police office took down the wrong license plate of a vehicle and now the ticket has come to my partner. Nothing of the ticket info matches his car's description and only the plate number matches. My partner had to travel to the courthouse to get this resolved.

They told him that although the car isn't his, HE must put in an appeal form for the car. He couldn't speak to a judge about the issue, nor could anything be changed. I called bullshit on that and pressured him to get more answers, to do more than go through another person's headache and instead of listening to me he insults me and hangs up right after the insult.

So after telling him my deepest insecurity he literally said "Go clean the kitchen." and hangs up on me, while I'm at work.

I don't think I've ever been so angry.

I was enraged and told him to pack his bags and get out of my apartment. And I do consider it more of my apartment because 1) not only do I pay rent by myself most of the time. 2)The lease agreement is in my name 3)He's technically not supposed to be there.

I've been pushing the boundaries that my landlord set and he's fine with that, but I still feel guilty and try not to make a fuss.

But I had it with him yesterday. He always does this. I will tell him something in confidence and he will use it against me to hurt my feelings or guilt me into doing things. I've had enough.

After spending the day apart I calmed down and am allowing him back into the house. But I just might really sit him down now and tell him to move back. I reflected on our relationship, and although we have really good moments, the bad outweighs them.

Most of the time we are fine. We are good. Everything is as it should be. I love him but can I really continue to hurt myself for someone who will voluntarily hurt me? Can I be with someone who adds salt to my wounds?

What type of woman can I be if I let this happen?

Some Scattered Updates

Jun. 14th, 2017 12:15 pm
cathugger: An orange-and-white cat facing to the left. The front of this face is fading into shadows. (Default)
[personal profile] cathugger
Catching up on my Reading Page again. 

Things have calmed down at home for a little while, and now my parents are almost "getting along." And that scares me. Turns out they're not getting the divorce now, so this whole process of things being "fine" and suddenly chaotic (which spins out and affects other people) is going to repeat itself. It seems like it's continuing to get worse, too, but sometimes things get worse before they get better? ...Yeah, I doubt that's the case here, though I can't predict too much with the observation of it getting worse. 

Agh, now I have that restless depressed feeling and don't know what to do about it. 

Michael just went to his internship. Today is the lab work day. Last time he spent it dealing with liquid (for DNA I think) and labeling vials. I'm assuming today won't be much different. Before he left, we watched a couple more episodes of Steven Universe, and WOW, I keep forgetting how comforting that show is. Watching it for me is kind of like being reborn and forgetting a bunch of social norms I barely knew I had. It's hard to explain.

My face is breaking out again, and this began soon after I stopped taking the low-dose antibiotic. My dermatologist thought that at least some of my facial skin problems were related to the MCAS, especially because my skin appears to be doing a thing that involves cells that closely interact with mast cells (or something). I forgot the name of the condition, but it involves continued flushing. My doctor prescribed the low-dose antibiotics because not only does it help with my specific skin issues; he's also seen research on it improving MCAS symptoms. I'm bad at noticing changes in symptoms, so it's hard to tell if stopping it did anything that isn't skin related, but I have been getting more bad headaches lately... I'll try to keep that in mind.

Give me queer/LGBTQ+ writing prompts

Jun. 14th, 2017 12:22 pm
serpentine: (Original Fiction - Firebird)
[personal profile] serpentine
So on tumblr, I got an accidental conservative pile on one of my posts. I've decided to fight back by being obnoxiously happy and queer.

I'm going to repeat the offer that I put on my tumblr:

Give me writing prompts so I may write about happy queer people and poke bigots in the eye. I will share them here.

I'll do original or fanfic. I just want to write happy queer people. I want to remember that 49 people died in the Pulse Club shooting a year ago and that they should've had long and happy lives being who they were. These are the shooting victims I want to remember.

Massive Homestuck shipping chart

Jun. 14th, 2017 02:47 pm
komischkatze: (Strilondes)
[personal profile] komischkatze
My friend sent me this link of someone going through all the different shipping combos for Homestuck pairs and I'm weirdly fascinated by it.

It's absolutely hysterical to me that even after all this time, John/Dave is still the most popular ship, even above all the canon ships. And that Dave and Karkat have the highest number of selfcest works.
Some of the pairings with higher numbers surprise me a little, though - Kanaya/Vriska is one I'd never considered!
Also, on the Alpha/Beforean chart it's quite sad to see how little fic there is for it, but it is very understandable - we only really got one small chunk of getting to know the trolls, and it wasn't long. The crossover chart shows there's only 78 fics for Vriska/Meenah, which breaks my heart because I loved them. There IS a comparably significant quantity of Karkat/Kankri, though, which is hilarious.

I do wonder with some of these pairings what quadrant they're being shipped in, though - but even just thinking about trying to compile that data made my brain hurt.
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